The Idea Of Self

I noticed a great change in my own mind this last year. I always used to have these stories of who I am and what I do and they have in a way been a backdrop to my writing and now I don't have many stories to land on anymore. So when I sit down and write, there's rather a feeling of not knowing what to write?

A feeling of not knowing what to share anymore and not knowing what may or may not be important to share.

At first I thought that maybe I lost my creative urges yet then I realised that I might just have a lost a part of my ego identity. This voice telling me what I am and this idea of myself. I realised that I don't have a clue of how I may be perceived anymore. Interesting isn't it? That before I used to have this idea of who I am and how others perceive me and now I don't even know what that might be.

This year especially I also realised that how others perceive me has very little to do with who I am or what I do. Nor does it seem to matter what I do or say to how others perceive me. As if everyone are living in their own dream world, their own dream reality (as do I).

The mind has a way of categorising the world around itself as well as it self, this identity of self. I am this or that, I can do this and that. I am good at this or that.

Have you ever found yourself reiterating an event with someone else, retelling the story how they reacted and what you said and then making a statement how you came out from the interaction. 'I put the person in place or I talked to them in this or that matter etc' - what I realised is that it's all a perspective. None of it may be true, maybe only from your point of view.. Yet I also understand that the mind has this way of making sense of the world.

The interesting aspect of this is to look at our own perspective and see where we put ourselves. What narrative do we use and how do we position ourselves in regards to others? Are we always better? Smarter? Or are we always less? Less capable, less smart, less attractive?

This contemplation is not meant to make you feel less about yourself rather to witness the idea of self that we hold about ourselves and the world that we interact with. Often our thoughts and perspectives goes in repetitive patterns. This is where we can step into change our patterns so that we can become more at ease with our own world.

If you have a need to bring yourselves up, then why is that? Where are you bringing yourself up from and why? And if you have a tendency to bring yourselves down, then why is that?

Contemplation is a wonderful way to just bring things into our awareness and sit with them and see what realisations may come through? Remember to be gentle and open up to hold compassion for yourself that's how we can change our own ways, that may somehow limit ourselves and our interactions with the world around us. By becoming aware and taking the time to listen inwards to see why we hold certain patterns and why they are there in the first place and how they may colour our own reality and our own perspective in one way or another.

The beautiful thing is that if we hold a negative perspective of ourselves and others then we also have the power to change from within. In my own experience sometimes old set ways can need determination for them to shift and to also understand why some of them may be in place. If they are really stubborn, then are they there because they are somehow protecting some part that feels unsafe? If so how can I self-soothe and make that part of my self feel safe again?

Much Love, Kristina

You Will Need To Rest To Integrate The Awakening

A big part of the awakening process is for the nervous system to upgrade to be able to hold much much more light and energy. Each individual cell also needs to be upgraded so that the mitochondria can hold more energy and light.

This process which is very physical takes immense amount of energy and so a big part of the awakening process simply requires huge amounts of rest and recuperation.

Sometimes just lying around and being present in your body is all you should and need to do for the divine energy to integrate into your physical form.

A big part of the divine feminine awakening is just this... rest and receptivity. To lie around and do nothing, to just receive and listen and to be present within.

Much Love ❤️

The Sacral Chakra - Where We Belong

On the solstice on December 21st 2021 I had a profound healing and some insights that I want to share.

I had a deep purging and healing of my womb, where I released some really intense energies and Ayahuasca told me that it was what has blocked me from feeling like I belong. Funny thing I realised later was that I somehow accepted that I'm just not like most in this world and that was that I thought but of course it was some distorted energies that made me feel that way.

All in all, I can't say that I feel like I belong with everyone and everything all the suddenly, but rather I feel very secure in my self and I feel very safe inside of myself, I think that's the best way to describe the change in these early days. The greatest difference that I notice the most is that I have a constant flow of energy going downwards from my heart into the ground that I never had before. Not like this.

See this block that was in my womb was like a plug and when the plug was pulled the flow through the uterus opened up and the central channel was all the suddenly completely open which it hadn't been before.

It always fascinates me, both through working with others and through my own shifts, just how much we can expand. That it's always more. I never been so deeply grounded or had my lower chakras so open and expanded before and of course it feels like the most natural thing too.

So our sense of belonging sits in our uterus in both men and women. Men has an energetic uterus in their lower abdomen just as women. This is our sacral chakra, from where we create into the physical world. This area is deeply connected to water and to creativity. It's also deeply connected to our throat chakra, our voice and how we express ourselves into the world as well as our connection to our spiritual guides. Often when we open one or the other of the sacral or the throat we will notice changes in the other on both a physical and energetic level. So if we open our womb space for example we may find that our voice also opens and we can sing deeper and/or with more clarity.

Ayahuasca told me that we receive our sense of belonging from our mother through her womb, as she received her sense of belonging from her mothers womb and so on. Thus our sense of belonging is deeply ancestral and is deeply ingrained within the society and the culture we grew up within. Yet our natural sense of belonging to everything has nothing to do with culture or family or ancestry. It's the connection to the everything. It's the connection to God.

On a collective level maybe this is where we can come together as one family, one tribe again. Through our sense of belonging no matter where we are or with whom, then home is everywhere.

Much Love,

Kristina