I've been reading A Course In Miracles and it's not the first time I've picked up this book yet I'm not sure I fully understood the profundity of this book until now. This book was written by Helen Schucman channeling Jesus Christ Sananda. The underlying premise is that the greatest miracle is the act of simply gaining a full awareness of love's presence in a person's life.

I love how narrator (Jesus) explains the Holy Trinity where the Father is God - Atman - the everything - Source. The Son is who we are, we are the children of God and then it's the Holy Spirit which I normally call our Higher Self.

The Holy Spirit's job is to bring us back to God and to help us see through the illusions of the reality that the ego has created for us. The Holy Spirit is created by God to help us find our way back to God and to the truth that everything is Love, including ourselves.

We have free will when we align our will with God's will. Because we are a part of God and we are created in the image of God - as Love. Yet we can also chose to not align ourselves with God and unity and we are allowed to separate ourselves even though this is just an idea and never ever happens in truth. Only in the mind.

Our mind is of God, in fact the entire creation is created from the mind. By aligning ourselves to the mind of God, we are aligning ourselves to the highest and to the truth of who we are.

All of this happens in the mind, through intention.

The ACIM talks a lot about how we much stay vigilant towards the mind, so that we don't create attacks against others or our self, so that we don't separate ourselves.

It reminds us that God loves us and only wants us to be happy, yet when we choose to think badly about others, we create that idea into form. It creates insanity. Yet when we don't trust God, then we don't trust anyone or anything. We have believed ourselves as separate and that creates fear and suffering.

ACIM's solution is always to align with the will and the mind of God, to our truth as the Love that we are.

I haven't read the whole book yet I feel that I receive a lot of alignment just by reading this book. There's a depth to the resonance as to what we are.

It speaks of forgiveness and that everything that is created by the small mind, the ego has no lasting damage because it's an illusion. Everything created by the small mind can be undone. Thus forgiveness is immediate. There is no shame or guilt. There's only Love.

1. A miracle is a correction. It does not create, nor really change at all. It merely looks on devastation, and reminds the mind that what it sees is false. It undoes error, but does not attempt to go beyond perception, nor exceed the function of forgiveness. Thus it stays within time’s limits. Yet it paves the way for the return of timelessness and love’s awakening, for fear must slip away under the gentle remedy it brings.

2. A miracle contains the gift of grace, for it is given and received as one. And thus it illustrates the law of truth the world does not obey, because it fails entirely to understand its ways. A miracle inverts perception which was upside down before, and thus it ends the strange distortions that were manifest. Now is perception open to the truth. Now is forgiveness seen as justified.

3. Forgiveness is the home of miracles. The eyes of Christ deliver them to all they look upon in mercy and in love. Perception stands corrected in His sight, and what was meant to curse has come to bless. Each lily of forgiveness offers all the world the silent miracle of love. And each is laid before the Word of God, upon the universal altar to Creator and creation in the light of perfect purity and endless joy.

4. The miracle is taken first on faith, because to ask for it implies the mind has been made ready to conceive of what it cannot see and does not understand. Yet faith will bring its witnesses to show that what it rested on is really there. And thus the miracle will justify your faith in it, and show it rested on a world more real than what you saw before; a world redeemed from what you thought was there.

5. Miracles fall like drops of healing rain from Heaven on a dry and dusty world, where starved and thirsty creatures come to die. Now they have water. Now the world is green. And everywhere the signs of life spring up, to show that what is born can never die, for what has life has immortality.

(ACIM, W-pII.13.1:1–5:4)

So what do we do? We ask for forgiveness. We ask from guidance to the Holy Spirit (our higher self), we ask for healing from God or correctness so that we can remember again. A return to Love. When we cannot reach it, we ask for help and we open ourselves up to receive. We must take responsibility for our mind as the creator that it is. Our mind is of God and thus God has extended his gifts to you... which is creation. God gives and gives through the extension of creation which means that we are always creating because we are of God, which is creation itself and we are not separate.

The only thing that is not real is the ego and the only thing that we can lose is the ego. Our practice is to be vigilant about how we use our mind, what are we choosing to create?

Are we creating in love or in fear?

To ask for forgiveness and to ask to be aligned to love again so that we can remember our truth. Our truth can only be experienced and never be told. So this is like the old gurus always said, we can't point the way, but you have to walk the path.

So how does it feel to choose love in our every day moments? Is this something you've practiced? For me this practice really feels like it has brought me back to love and to myself again. These last few years have been very challenging to me as well as filled with immense blessings along side the challenges. I feel that I've grown immensely and its interesting because at times I felt like I slipped back into forgetting my truth and yet on the other side coming into deeper alignment again, it's more like a spiral moving upwards. Revisiting themes of love and forgiveness. It's a deepening of love.

One of the most powerful shifts I had this year was when I prayed to God to hep me forgive myself. In that moment something immense shifted and I've felt as if a deep weight lifted from my being. In truth I don't fully remember what I felt guilty about and it doesn't matter. After I forgave myself, I had no grudges against anyone else. It all fell away. Just like that. Peace.

Thank you for reading, so much Love!


I received a loving reply from my friend Noam about free will and I want to share our email conversation because I think he steered me in the right direction and I think it may be helpful for others. ❤️


This is Noam reply to my blog post Do We Have Free Will?

You may not even realize but on one hand you say we don’t have it and on the other you say we do have free will.

The bigger question is who are We, who is the I that has free will, if it is Kristina, born of the earth, into this family with this identity…then no you don’t have free will.

But you said it yourself….” I believe that my higher self chose my parents and that they chose me”

What a funny word, Higherself, higher-self, Self, the self, what is the higherself other than you? your true identity and here it is choosing with its own will, a family, a body an experience.

You are never not the Self, that is choosing experience, consequently you are never the “thing, life, experience “ that the Self has chosen because that would be the Effect, and the Self is the Cause. You are the Cause.

The question then becomes more about identity, which aspect is inquiring about will…In fact, the whole question can be readdressed…does my personality self have a will, do aspects that I create or parasitic energies that create themselves have will? Do effects have will? Even with analytical eyes, we know that God is, and if God is then God is infinite, and because of infinity God’s being is your being, since infinity only allows for one being…and if God has choice than you must than have choice because of the nature of infinity and eternality. If you didn’t have choice, the real you, High you, than God wouldn’t be God. I love your question, I have asked it many times myself, these are the answers I have come up with for myself…there’s no real right answer, just more questions. Just a few thoughts on this beautiful day. Peace. Much Love,

Noam Ben-Arie


My reply:

Thank you for your reply Noam. I don’t believe that I’m always my higher self not at all, the voice that answers this email is not my higher self, have you ever experienced your own higher self Noam? :) I remember when I was living in the cabin in the woods on the Sunshine Coast in Canada and I was going to sleep and I had the habit of repeating a mantra as I was falling asleep, it was the Ganesha mantra Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha. All the suddenly I slipped into my higher self, I was hearing my “self” repeating the mantra but “I” wasn’t repeating it, I was simply hearing Kristinas voice but it wasn’t me repeating the words, I was just witnessing this event. Then I could witness this space that Kristina was “in” but I was outside of that, just watching, just being and I couldn’t access Kristina from that space. Even though I was witnessing Kristina from within Kristinas head, I still wasn’t Kristina in that moment. I was a silent observer.

Another time, I did the Tibetan dream yoga practice and I slipped into a state of pure light when I went to “sleep” and I spent the whole night 8 hours in that space yet when I woke up it felt like a second had passed since I slipped into that experience. It was outside of time and space. Did I have an identity then? Nope. Did I have thoughts? No I didn’t. Did I have any wants in that experience? No I didn’t. I was pure light. So no I don’t think we are always our higher self, not at all, it’s there if we call upon it but that perspective is so much bigger than this voice that’s writing from this body, from this identity. I mean yes we are all at once all at the time, but am I really ‘that’ when I act from the perspective of this embodiment? No I don’t think so. I think that I can access it, I think that I can work towards accessing it, I think through intention I can call the wisdom and the connection forward but until I do that - am I consciously making choices? Or are things simply happening from a perspective in which I don’t see? From pre-programmed patterns that I’m not aware of. In A Course Of Miracles they say (if I understood correctly) that I and God are one yet I have to succumb to the will of God for a miracle to occur, I have to align to love and from that space I am a creator and miracles are my birthright. Yet I have to align to God and from that place is there really a need for a free will? Lol :) Or have I given my will to God to align to Love? Much Love, Kristina


Noam's reply:

The voice that responds to the email is an aspect of self, that aspect is not the higherself by way of identity…but it is OF the higherself, because it is an aspect of self.

When I say we are always the higherself, I mean that in an absolute sense, You can’t not be who you are. The higherself, which is you. But then in relative ways we can identify as aspects of ourselves and then experience a relative experience or relative truth…”I am Noam and I am having a life on earth, I went through this and that and I am writing this email” a relative experience and relative truth…but even in that relative experience I was always the higherself, even when I negated it’s presence and identity, it was still there as who I am, just not accessed.

As you say, it’s always there to be accessed, so if it’s always there, and let’s identify the being that’s always there as the higherself…it means that my self is always there, I am always Me…and I can experience myself as my true Me when I am not lost in my relative experience.

It is true that we are not always operating as the Highself, in fact we rarely are, but that doesn’t mean it’s not who we are.

There’s nothing required of me to become who I am, since I am already it…only my ideas, inherited of course, keep me from Being and expressing who I already am.

Now, even when I am operating from my aspects, identifying as them, I am still my higherself, it’s just dormant and maybe we can say non-operable….but that doesn't mean it’s not who I am.

It becomes a matter of alignment, when I align to myself, to my highest self I am it and it is me, in that alignment any action and choice I would take would be as my higherself.

In those experiences you mentioned, you didn’t have to become your higherself, you simply aligned to it, but what really happened?? You moved beyond your idea of self, or identity, or relative experience and relative truth. When you realigned from that identity, idea of self, you automatically went to the higherself, because that’s all that’s left beyond your idea of self. We don’t even have to try to become the higherself, it’s automatically there when we let go of our ideas that we are Not the higherself.

I’m not arguing you, I hope you can feel that, typing these very deep concepts sometimes take away from their depth…which is why I rarely do it. Also just typing something in general that offers a thought these days is perceived as argumentative, which I assure you this is not…I have no investment in you believing one way or another.

But it’s you, and I care about you and what you have to say.

So I’m just speaking my feelings aloud, I am not right and you are not wrong.

Much Love,

Noam Ben-Arie


My reply:

I agree with what you say yet I don’t see how the higher self always being there validates us having free will? :))

Thank you for saying that we are not sparring against each other. Me neither, I just like a mind bend and its a pleasure to discuss with you. :) Much Love, Kristina


Noam's reply:

It validates it because the higherself is the self, it is us, or individually we are the higherself…there is no us separate from the higherself. The higherself is you and me and us…so if it is always there, and it is in choice, it is demonstrating free will.

There is no us AND higherself…the higherself is our only and true identity, anything else is an idea that then has its own life separate and apart from truth….hence seperation, or a sense of separation.

I don’t see how the higher self always being there validates us having free will? :))

The free will belongs to the higherself and only to the higherself, because that is the true and only self. It is the self, the name literally suggests it…higher-self, true-self, divine-self….there is no Self AND me, you, other…there is just the self with its free will to experience all things.

That self is me, it is My-Self. It is not up there and i am down here…It IS, to which there is no other.

The idea of us, is just an idea, but what is an idea other than a temporary belief experienced in relativity. When the idea changes or fades the experience changes. That idea being Noam, Kristina has what is perceived of as choice but lacks free will, because Noam is not the true identity…therefore the choice was already made to have a life as Noam, and who made that choice none other than the true self, exercising its free will. But when Noam “dies” what happens to the Trueself that was giving life to Noam, does it die? No, it remains and continues having experiences as other ideas and continues exercising its will and making more choices.

The self always remains beyond idea and belief, which is what makes it true. By remaining beyond, it can make choices through the idea of self and not get lost in the form. To realize that you are an eternal being, while in a body is literally called Self-realization…the realization that the self is not the body, which fades, dies, etc…but is eternally true.

Mind bend indeed Much Love,

Noam Ben-Arie


My reply:

I guess what I mean by not having a free will is how often are we actually aligned conscious choosing? And how often do we go on autopilot.. is the autopilot free will? Do I exercise my right of free will through automatic action and through ingrained behaviour and belief system? Can we really call that Free Will? While being unfree in a sense. Or simply unconscious.

Much Love, Kristina


Noam's reply:

There’s still a split in identity here, if I align consciously or if I go on autopilot which for our conversation would be the opposite of conscious choice…

Think about it aligning to what?….the Self (which speaks to two, you and self)

Not aligning to or not aligned (autopilot) to what?…the self.

But it is the self and only the self that has will and choice, when the idea of self (Kristina and Noam) is let go of…the idea of self is reappropriated to what it is, an idea. But the self continues to choose as it always has been, only now through body and form (realization), because there is no opposition (idea of self) to stop it.

When you are aligned to your higherself (there is no more you and self, there is self as I), it is the higherself that is choosing through the form, or body, or Kristina, but in that event…the idea of Kristina would dissolve because there would be no idea left outside of the self in its own body (known as Kristina). It wouldn’t be Kristina now choosing in alignment, it would be the self now choosing as Kristina….which up to that point Kristina had been on autopilot.

The idea of self is self perpetuating, the human race is an idea self perpetuating eternally until realization pierces through to reorient awareness and say “hey you are not a human, you are the divine self, God being, and you have always been, now awakened in a body”

But what happens to the human/Kristina/Noam when the self pierces through, there is nothing left of it, only the self that has always been and knows itself as self remains. That self is what is choosing with will, not the human.

Much Love,

Noam Ben-Arie


My reply:

Thank you for taking the time to write to me Noam, what you say resonates deeply even if there’s a part of me that says well the little I don’t have free will 🥴 haha yet I see how just like you say I split myself in two. Because hmm that’s how I feel a lot of the time but yes I doesn’t matter if (I chose) to go on autopilot or become conscious.. - it’s a choice. I have choices. Thank you dear, I needed that. 🙏🏼

Much Love, Kristina


So what do you think who reads this? 🙂 Do you feel that you have free will? Do you connect with your higher self or your little self? Do you feel split in two?

Thank you for reading!

Much Love,


I received a really interesting question about whether or not I believe that we have free will or do things just happen?

First of all, I do not think that things just happen. I've learned that in many different ways, one of them was a shroom trip I had many years ago where I heard over and over again - there are no coincidences, there are no coincidences, there are no coincidences. Pronounced in different voices over and over for hours so that I would never forget and I never did. I also seen how others have been a mirror to me, so that I could see myself and transcend my limiting beliefs and change the way that I perceive reality. To change the way I create reality.

So I do believe that I am a co-creator of my reality.

But do I believe that I have free will?

Well to be honest no I don't. I believe that we create our reality from our subconscious and how often am I aware of my subconscious? Sometimes but most of the time, I'm on autopilot like everyone else. I'm in my thoughts and my perspective and trying to figure out the way forward.

To be honest if I had free will I would have gone back to Source already years ago but I couldn't as I haven't been able to transcend it all yet. So how does that leave me with a free will? How did my toddler self feel herself free from her surroundings being completely at the mercy of my caregivers. Yes I believe that my higher self chose my parents and that they chose me but once in body, once in the incarnation how much free will do I really have?

Or is free will what we are working towards? To make the unconscious conscious, to let go of the unconscious patterns so that I can become aware of what I am creating in my life? So that I can transcend it all to the point where I know with every fibre of my being that there is nothing else. Just the big I AM and nothing else. Just One

So we have the option to experience free will if we walk the path of transcending it all and once we transcend it all then what's the need of free will anyhow? Once you're one with God, there won't even be a need to have a will because you won't perceive yourself as separate anymore so what would be the need of the individual will?

Yet I think we have the option to choose love over fear at each moment of our existence and maybe that's what free will is really about. Do I choose to believe in fear and the illusions or do I trust in God and love, the ultimate goodness of creation itself? From that point of view I believe we always have a choice.

What do you believe? Do you believe in free will? Do you believe things just happen and that creation is random or what?

Let me know, I'm curious about this discussion and how others relate to their own creator power.

Much Love, Kristina