People often contact me in despair, saying that they find no joy in life that they don't want to live anymore, can I help them?
Having gone through a few dark nights of the soul I completely understand. I remember about a year before my awakening how I used to lie in agony upon awakening, wishing I could sleep a little bit longer so that I wouldn't have to wake up into this world. This world full of so much pain. My sleep was the only place where I could rest, where I could be someplace else but here.
Looking back there wasn't really anything wrong with my life, I definitely had some challenges at the time but none that could actually justify the pain that I was experiencing.
I would wake up and start to think if this was the day I would kill myself. If today was the day. I would go through the possible options on how I would kill myself. My preferred way was to possible drown myself in the river. But I always stopped myself short when I came to the part that someone would have to take care of my dead body. If I could have my way I would just have liked to vanish in to thin air. Just disappear, be gone.
It was at this time that I started to pray, because with my agony also came all the existential doubts and fears. Would I just disappear when I was gone, was there no more to life than this?