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Why You Don't Heal

Updated: Feb 25, 2021

I've just spent two almost three months in seclusion. Not complete seclusion but enough to start to get bored with being by myself then we had a deep retreat that blew my socks off and I'm just coming out of that trying to find my words again.

Often in this work I think of what can I share to help and I think its the same thing over and over and it is. It's really not complicated. The theory is not complicated in itself. The practice of healing is hard because it requires your presence.

Most of us today cannot focus on anything longer than a few seconds. We are constantly fed with information and we are addicted to it. In many ways we act as computers, we just feed ourselves with constant information, but contrary to computers we are not very good at processing or organizing the information that we receive. Often and a lot are just absorbed and never reflected upon. How much gore and violence do you think exist in your consciousness and in your energy field from just watching movies, tv-shows and the news? Everything that you see you absorb.

There's in a way nothing wrong with absorbing a lot of information but if you never digest what you absorbed, then how do you know the effect it may have on you (in this present moment) or maybe your mind has turned into an overflowing toilet? Where the continuous flow is the only thing that can give relief. That means that we NEED the constant flow of information and when this information slows down then we don't know what to do with ourselves.

We start to notice how uncomfortable we actually feel in our own self. We have already absorbed so much information that its really hard to make sense of everything and even to make sense of what makes us so anxious and so uncomfortable. So we continue to add more information so that we don't actually have to FEEL anything. Really stuff the toilet, when we are here we tend to start to numb ourselves with different substances and more intense sedative practices.

Again and again I face this, people that really struggle with themselves and their own healing and they just can't bare when the healing process actually starts working for them. Its too much to feel, its too much to bare.

This is one of the things that I love with Ayahuasca, because once you've taken it you can't leave it. She got you, she's in you and if she wants to take you there she will. Yet even with plant medicines powerful such as Ayahuasca you still need your awareness and your presence. Without it you can drink as much as you want to and yet not really achieve anything in the long run. All my teacher says to me, is to concentrate. If I ask 'and then what'?, she looks at me funny and says it again. Just concentrate and then it will come. Concentrate. Focus your energy, to be present, to listen. To be THERE.

The entire practice again and again is to learn to SIT WITH IT.

I hear from clients that contact me years after their session, telling me how they suffered after the session but never contacted me. Never booked another session. They got scared. I can understand that but when you're in that process of healing/PURGING. Letting go of negative energies, feeling them so that they can be released and transformed to light again. When you're in that really uncomfortable space (it can be more or less of course) the only way "out" is to stay.

You got to stay, you got to stay in your awareness and not get swept up in the story and you have to feel everything and if you can manage that, then the "issue" just unravels itself and goes away. The light does that. You just remember again, your light remember who you are and goes back to a state of love.

But often because the density of the negativity that we as a collective hold, we may not experience those feelings of love until they become the majority. Until then you may be healing yet still feeling ucky yucky.

Also, I cannot stress this enough but just as your body needs daily care and care taking in many different forms to be healthy and well, your energy field also needs daily continuous work. It's not enough to go to a healer or to go and meditate every once in a while. If you want to do the work, if you want to heal, you really need to show up. For yourself.

One of the biggest issues that we are facing as a collective today is self-hatred. It's so deep, its' so immensely deep and so many including myself have deep patterns of self-destructive behavior. We are afraid of our own light for many different reasons so we dim it in different ways by NOT showing up for ourselves.

I don't want this post to be me patting you on the head by all means, we are all in this together and I find that I really really need to SIT with my own things because if I don't then I go unconscious again. The practice has to be at every moment. You don't meditate to feel better, you meditate to come into a state of meditation with the world. Presence.

I love you. Thank you for reading and thank you for walking this path with me. What I've learned is that when you do show up and when you do face those patterns and those avoidance mechanisms, that can be so strong, unconscious and slippery, yet when we really face them with the determination to just be THERE. Things start to shift and yet we do have to go there again and again but then eventually its all gone and that's real true healing and it can only come through your presence. All the Universe wants to do is to love you and for you to be able to receive that love and FEEL it, so that you can BE IT. To get there you have to stay present in feeling EVERYTHING else without attaching yourself to the story. Again and again, over and over.

That IS the practice. <3!

Much Love,


1 comment

1 Comment

René Rijsdijk
René Rijsdijk
Sep 23, 2019

Thank you Kristina, for sharing your wisdom to inspire and motivate me in my daily practice, staying present. Your words mean a lot to me!

With lots of love and light,


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