I'm coming to the end of my dieta, as I'm writing this right now I'm on my last day and then I'm complete. It's been a life changing experience and I want to share some of the deep healing that I've received from these plants.
When I first started this dieta, I drank 3 different plants for a month as an introduction to the dieta and then 2 months of drinking 19 different trees. All the plants in the dieta are considered love plants. Plants that help to open us up to more love within.
This dieta isn't offered to anyone because it can be very difficult to handle a lot of love. The reason for this is that the intensity of the love will bring up everything else that is not love. The plant dietas help us to scratch the surface so that we can go much deeper beyond our own limitations. We also become what we eat, so we also diet with different plants to become more like the spirits of the plants and to learn and share from them.
At first in the beginning when I was just dieting with 3 plants I felt filled with love, my feet were radiating love, I was radiating love from everywhere and I felt very almost jittery with love. Then when I started with the trees the intensity went down but I also felt that I was somewhat intoxicated by the plants throughout the day. A "high" that somehow became a normal after a while.
What really came through as the greatest change is how my presence and awareness in ceremony has changed dramatically. It has been a big initiation into being a Shaman and to hold the space for the healing of others in ceremony. From the beginning of the dieta my ceremonies shifted, this last little bit has been the most intense as we've been building up the intensity with the plants.
Now as I've been going into ceremony I'm not so much in my own process instead I'm very aware of the room and what's going on. It's a fascinating process where we the participants in the ceremony are being directed by Ayahuasca. Everything happens in unison as if we the participants are a big orchestra and Ayahuasca is the conductor setting the beat and the tone of the entire ceremony.
It's about becoming extremely lucid (awake and aware) while being very deep in the medicine at the same time.
The dieta has helped me to be able to process much more negative energies and to be much less sensitive to it. Meaning that I can feel it being there, but it doesn't personally affect me as it could in the past. Instead I seem to be able to feel more of everyone yet still being deeply grounded in my own light within. Hard to explain maybe but it's really about being able to hold much much more love and light and to be able to stay as a witness without being affected personally.
My desire to be of service to the whole has also grown immensely, I feel a deep joy and contentment to be on this path and to live this life. Deep gratitude bubbles from my inner being and I feel happy. Not in a high way but more in an integrated way of being if that makes sense?
Towards the end of the dieta just now about a week ago, in the last retreat that we had, I had one of the biggest breakthroughs of this lifetime. So each 10 day retreat that we have at Los Cielos we drink Ayahuasca 5 times and the guests also have 3 kambo sessions plus some other ceremonies and things but anyway. I think it was the end of the 2 or 3rd ceremony and I was going to bed and as I've been helping out in ceremony the whole night I never went deep into my own process (which is normal) so as I was trying to go to sleep I hear Ayahuasca say 'I'm going to open you up like I never opened you before'. Ok I thought and I was just lying there waiting and then nothing happened so I was like ok whatever. Didn't think more of it than that.
Then the following ceremony I start to feel that I'm getting a sore throat and I feel how I'm starting to feel more and more sensitive inside my head as you feel when a cold is creeping up on you. I only felt the cold come on, on my left side of my head and then my nose started to drip and it was also just from my left nostril and I was feeling the drain from my left side of my brain towards the front of my head. Kind of uncomfortable, just feeling weak and tired, as you do when you get a cold.
The next day I was ill but I was up and about helping out. Then by 6pm at night I passed out and when I woke up in the morning the next day I was so sad. I felt like no one cared about me and no one cared that I was sick and not feeling well. Went back to bed again as I really wasn't feeling well and then I slept until the afternoon. I hadn't eaten anything all day and I was hungry but most of all I was extremely sad. A sadness my mind couldn't understand. The intensity of the feelings that no one cared for me was coming so strongly.
Then Sylvie comes by with a glass of green drink (a superfood blend powder in water) to give me some nutrients cause she said the ladies in the kitchen had noticed I hadn't eaten all day and was worried about me. At this point the feeling like I wasn't cared for was so strong that I couldn't take in that they actually did care for me. Instead I back lashed and said to Sylvie that they don't care at all and they're just being mean to me (they tease me a lot and not always so nicely kind of like being with sibilings.. :) ) but normally I don't take it personally but this day I couldn't shake it off. So Sylvie looks at me and says ok, drink this drink it will make you feel better and walks away.
I go into my room drink the drink and then start to cry and I cry so hard I can't do anything else. Then Sylvie returns and I'm lying in fetus position on my bed and I'm bawling, I can't move I can't do anything I'm so extremely sad and I don't know why I'm so sad. Sylvie just holds me and I tell her I don't know why I'm so sad and she says I don't know why you're so sad either..
Then all the suddenly I feel this little coin sized block above my left hip, it's intensely painful and I go into it with my awareness (I'm still crying). As I go into it I go on this journey and I realize that my whole life I never believed that anyone ever really cared about me. That no one has ever loved me. This includes my parents, my friends, my lovers, all my relationships.
That this is a belief that I've been carrying for lifetimes. Many lifetimes.
So as this core belief starts to leave my being the intensity of the energy that has been blocked is starting to be unleashed and my body is going into spontaneous Kriyas. The energy was so intense and I'm glad that Sylvie was there because it was almost overwhelmingly intense and her presence and love helped me so much. Then it finally calms down and I'm back in control over my body again. I'm still to this day releasing stuff, different threads that has grown from that core belief and I will probably keep releasing for a while as it was so deep.
I find it very interesting that I've experienced so much love, of experiencing being one with it all, that everything is love and yet there has been a part of me (not all) that hasn't believed so and my left side has been very blocked from this. Now afterwards everything is stronger. The love, the acceptance, the calm, the peace, the joy. I'm very curious to see how it may play out in my life. Like I said that little block that was SO HUGE has affected all my relationships for many lifetimes and when we release a core belief we release all the threads that has grown from there. It's like finding the mother ship of all the other ships and by destroying the mother ship all the other envoys are eliminated as well because they don't have that underlying core belief that is feeding them strength to exist within anymore.
We always want to get to the core belief but it can take time to get there.
Now this all happened all very recently so I can't really give a full disclosure of the effects it may have on my life. Nor what this dieta with the Amorosas has given me other than a much deeper love for everything. A much deeper faith and a feeling of truly being plugged into Gaia and in Source.
At this point starting tomorrow morning I'm off my dieta for two weeks at least, then I will probably go on another 3 month dieta with the Amorosas but probably some other love plants that I haven't had in this dieta that I'm just finishing. I asked why I was supposed to go on more Amorosas and they said because you can so that's great I guess. Must mean I'm handling it pretty well, I still want to go on a little small dieta in between before I start and I'm thinking of either dieting with Toe and Marusa again or to diet with Chiric Sanango which is another visionary plant that I've never worked with before. I will work with them all eventually but I guess it's about listening to who calls me the most at this time and also ask my teachers Rocio and Sylvie for some guidance.
I love this work so much. Thank you for reading and coming a long for a part of the journey.
So Much Love,