We're coming towards the end of the year and as appropriate it can be to make a review over the year. Being on an intense path of awakening and healing is rewarding because you really reap the benefits of the work. It's hard to compartmentalize and divide to explain what did what, or even to be able to go into minute details of my own transformation and continuous awakening.
I feel more me than ever before and I feel happier than ever before to be me. Mostly because it feels really good to be me right now. I have a calm in me that I don't think I ever had before. I'm also coming to terms with my own self-worth and my own self-love, an actual deep acceptance to myself as I am.
Maybe that's what I will walk away with from the Amorosas more than anything. This deep sense of love for myself. A love that doesn't have to do with ego, rather as if I have come into a deep comfort with myself. As if the body and spirit are finally deeply integrated with each other and at peace.
I still have little things with myself that comes up and I know that I'll probably have a lot to integrate for the next couple of months and I'm actually really looking forward to some quiet reflective time to myself.
I'm heading to Ecuador for two months now at the start of the new year. I will stay at a meditation center in a very beautiful and tranquil place where I will have full internet access so that I can get some online work done. I'm also looking forward to eating lots of food and to sleep in and having some time away from the medicine work for a little bit. To have some space and time to integrate all my work of the last year.
It's really been a remarkable year in so many different ways. When I first came here in February this year (this time around) I died in one of my first ceremonies with Ayahuasca and (it's not uncommon for that to occur with Ayahuasca) and honestly it wasn't very dramatic either. I was helping someone else and then all the suddenly I had to lie down and die and then I came back almost straight away.
I think I've been waiting for a big ego death and it didn't feel like that either but it started a deeper process and a deeper letting go. I look back over this year and I'm so different, my preferences seem to go deeper towards the spiritual way. I'm more sensitive than ever before and my prayers are deeper and more sincere. I really really want to help but I'm also feeling more insistent in caring for my body and my self.
When I first took Ayahuasca back in 2014 I was really physically fit and I used to practice yoga almost every day except Sundays. Then I started working with Ayahuasca and I found it very hard to be able to maintain a physical routine of any kind. Instead I mostly craved to sleep, so immensely tired and I realize now that I needed to sleep for the transformation of my physical being to occur. Now on the other hand I feel I'm able to start rebuilding my physical body again.
It's interesting all the physical changes that I notice for myself, one of the most interesting are how my spine keeps getting straighter and straighter. I've been having this cracking in my neck and head going on for a couple of years now and continuous spontaneous readjustments of my spine. I've always been tall and as a little girl I was the head taller than everyone else. You can see in photos how I tried to sway my body in different ways to make myself appear smaller. This gave me a slightly hunched posture. Continuously working with the medicines of Pachamama and the energy of Kundalini has completely changed my posture. My neck is little by little completely being straightened out - literally. I'm so curious how much better my whole being will be functioning when my spine is completely in perfect alignment again.
Other physical changes that I rarely reflect over such as never needing to use my reading glasses anymore, That's also been a couple of years now.
My physical body looks different and I sometimes think that I also look different when I look in the mirror and I think that maybe it's true that we continuously recreate ourselves. I look at old pictures and I find it hard to relate to the person that I was, things that I used to be nostalgic about doesn't bother me anymore. It's not that I don't care anymore, I just don't have much if any attachment to what was anymore. There's an immense sense of freedom to that. It also feels as if I'm freeing up so much space to create something new and different.
That hurdles that used to be there aren't there anymore. That I'm opening up to so much more freedom within myself having freed myself from all that old. It really feels like I'm in a complteely different place with myself and the world - my reality.
Tonight I'm sitting in ceremony with the some Shamans from the Brazilian tribe Huni Kuni. It's my first ever ceremony in their tradition and I'm very excited. Then I have a month left here in Peru before I head to Ecuador.
This is becoming a long blog post but I also want to mention the Sunday Healing Circle. It's been some powerful Sunday sessions on my end, I don't know how you guys experiences have been? Please let me know! :)
It's definitely different that working with only one light body at the time. The collective light body feels different and I feel like I'm learning so much. We moved some very heavy energies the last month and during every session I'm receiving more and more information about this circle and how it works. Very important to remember is that no ones negative energy is ever shared but everyones light encodings are shared freely within the circle.
Meaning that if one person has opened something within themselves that the others haven't opened yet. That opening will be shared in the group with everyone that is ready to open that as well. Then the collective light body remembers so that people then join afterwards will also be able to recognize this opening within themselves.
We are all walking each other home, meaning we are all helping each other remember. Everything that we need is already within ourselves. It's just hidden under "stuff" such as limitations and fears, programmings and distortions. When we are connected to alignment - alignment happens by itself. Does that make sense?
In the forum of Healing Divinity I have created a topic called Intentions for the Healing Circle, here you may post your personal intentions for the circle. You may also connect with other members of the group. If you want to sign up you can do so here.
Thank you for reading!