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How I Started To Work With Ayahuasca (part2)



So in between retreats when there were no guests at the centre there was only the volunteers. All the Peruvian workers, well most anyway would go home to their families and the centre would be very quiet.


We the volunteers would arrange our own ceremonies, by getting a Shaman to sit for our own little group. But those ceremonies weren't that often and I was craving something completely different. I felt called to drink for days in a row and to drink during the day as well and to do it alone. No Shaman just me and Ayahuasca and nature of course. Always nature as my guide.


Now I think it only lasted about three days, the first night was fine. I was going pretty deep but it was as if I didn't know what I was looking for. Just that this was what I was being called to do right now. I was receiving so much information but I couldn't really make sense of it all.


It was too fragmented and honestly didn't make any sense. But I continued because it felt like the right thing to do.


I think it was the second night after I had been drinking for one night and one day. So continuously for about 36-48 hours. I got my cup and I went to lie down and then is started and it started so intensely that I got up because I wanted to get away from it. It was way too strong and I had no idea what to do with it. I started to call for help, Jill showed up and opened the Maloca (the ceremony hall) door as she did, it felt like the whole energy of the Maloca started to move as strong waves. So I screamed at her to 'close the door, close the door, you can't come in'.


She did and I don't remember much after that. I remember falling over the altar and then I slipped away. I remember just screaming and screaming louder than I ever thought was possible to scream. I felt like I was an exhaust pipe from the centre of the earth and I was just channeling all this dark dark energy out of earth.


At some point I was aware of my body, slipping back into presence. Jill and Casey (both of the owners were there) sitting on top of me trying to keep me down. I remember Jill telling me to stop flapping my arms and I had to figure out where my arms were because I had no idea. Arms? What are arms? Do I have arms? What is that?


Apparently I screamed from the top of my lungs and flapped around for a good 45 minutes. Then I passed out.


During this time, what I remember is being an exhaust pipe for earths shit to come out and be cleared and then I remember seeing the shift.


The shift of when Earth shifted into a higher dimension and everything changed. Everything just shifted. All the "bad" lower vibrationally stuff was just cleared, nature reinvigorated itself and a whole new Earth came to being into a higher dimensional reality. A reality that glowed with light, the nature in the movie Avatar would be the best way to give you an idea of the pristine beauty that I saw.


Then when I came back and "woke up, nothing had shifted. I was alone in the Maloca and my journey felt like a dream. That nothing had been real, that the shift hadn't been real. I was immensely sad and disappointed.


I remember not leaving the Maloca for a long time and spending a good deal of the day there just lying in the hammock outside and staring into space. I didn't know what to make of my experience and the shift that I had seen and had first hand experienced. It was so real.


It wasn't until I had another journey with Ayahuasca later on that Ayahuasca told me that the shift had happened, that it was real but that Earth was split in two. The awakened shifted Earth and the old Earth, existing side by side as one. Because of free will there's a time period where the unawakened has a possibility to move over and eventually the Earths will be separated. But during this time period the awakened beings are calling the rest over, to awaken as well but they have to come by free will.


Earth is already wide awake, our Earthly bodies are integrating to this new frequency that Earth already holds. That's why the integration of our light bodies are so incredibly important. We have to ground and learn to descend the light that we are into Earth.


It took me some time to write this because as I look back I find it very hard to recollect in what order the days took place or in what order the ceremonies took place.


In one of my solo ceremonies during the day I got completely naked and started screaming and singing in a star language. It was this day when I feel I really connected with Sylvie that at the time was the manager at Nimea Kaya.


I was alone in the Maloca after having had a cup of Ayahuasca, I had been meditating and going deep within and then I felt this deep urge within me, it was a great purge to clear what was holding me back from being seen. So I came rambling out from the Maloca stark naked and being very very loud. haha Looking back I was behaving like a mad woman. I remember Hilda one of the Shipibo women working at the centre seeing me and running away.


Then Sylvie showed up very calmly just coming up to me and watching me. Then she asked me to come back to the Maloca and that if I didn't put some clothes on, I couldn't walk around the property cause I was scaring other people and making them uncomfortable.


She reminded me that during the influence of Ayahuasca we don't always make the sanest decisions. So I went back to the Maloca and put on some clothes and then I went around the retreat just feeling into everything.


Drinking during the day is very very different from drinking during the night. As I was walking around Ayahuasca told me to not get closer to one of the casitas as there was a bad spirit there.


So I went to Sylvie and told her that there was a bad spirit behind the casita. She went there with burning sage and then a little while later I saw this black big etheric moth buzzing in the middle of the garden where I was. It was the spirit that Sylvie had smoked out from its hiding place.


I remember that at the time, I was completely calm and collected again, full of love. So I just connected my heart with the moth and from my heart I connected it to Source again and then it just evaporated into light. Curious to know is that a couple of weeks earlier I had slept in that same casita and I had heard some heavy breathing but I couldn't locate where it was coming from, so I thought I was probably imagining it. But all along it had been that spirit that I had heard and who knows how long it had been there for.


After all these crazy ceremonies Jill told me that it wasn't such a good idea for me to drink alone anymore. That Nimea Kaya wasn't the place for those kinds of journeys and I totally understand her. But I still had that craving to drink so much more, I felt I was looking for something completely different but I didn't know what it was.


It would be 3 years until I found out what I was actually looking for, where this immense urge was coming from and what it was calling me to.


To be continued in part 3.


Read part 1 here.

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