Updated: May 24, 2019
One of my greatest challenges up to this point has been to be seen. As me.
Which is a weird thing of course because what am I afraid of and why? Or rather what have I been afraid of and why, when I know that I am All?
Last year I had immense doubts about my work and my path. I didn't understand where I was going and why. I doubted myself and my connection to God. Looking back now I realize that 2018 was for me a year of death. I released so much of my old self, patterns, thought forms and relationships that I've created within myself about the world.
It was a painful and a challenging year in every possible way, but now standing on the other side I'm so grateful that it happened. Because it was one of the deepest healings and deepest releases of everything that I asked for to come through. I am so much freer and lighter and so much softer.
What was really pivotal for me was when I reached out to Anayza and asked for help to heal. Me and Anayza met very synchronistically last year up in the Sacred Valley in Peru and we connected instantly. Like meeting a very old long lost friend. After we met in person once, we connected sporadically throughout the year. It was until the end of the year that I asked her if I could have a session with her. Then not really knowing what she does. She told me that she does Akhasic record readings, something that she spontaneously opened up to while she was in the Sacred Valley in Peru. But I didn't know more than that, I just knew that something within me felt that I need help from her.
So on December 21st (winter solstice) 2018 we had a session. I asked Anayza to help me clear my doubts and fears about being seen and about working as a healer. Now this has been a thing for me, a huge thing for me. A weird fear that I haven't been able to overcome no matter how hard I tried, and it's a weird fear because parts of me love to be seen. I'm born under the Leo sun in the 5th house, I love being on stage and I've loved being on stage my whole life. Yet I've also had this unreasonable fear of being seen that I haven't been able to fully heal.
What Anayza did was that she found a past life of mine around the time when the church was gaining power in our society. I was a woman in that lifetime as well and only about 14-15, my mentor and guide in the healing arts betrayed me, called me out to be a witch and so the church came after me. I had to run for my life, I found safety with a family for a little while but eventually the men of the church found me and I was caught and locked up in a cellar without any light.
In the dark containment I had an awakening, I opened my third eye, had a Kundalini Awakening and a self-realization - I became enlightened. The people that had locked me up could feel my energy and my light and it scared them so much that one of them killed me by stabbing me in my heart.
This past event created a soul blockage in me and a disconnection to Earth, a fear of using Earth magic, a fear of shining my light and allowing my energy to be felt. Anayza helped me to open up to the channels of light from Earth that I had blocked myself from.
As she was talking to me about what she was seeing I could feel this dark pillar inside of me, this huge block that felt like I a stake all down from Earth into my heart. This huge dark pillar was blocking me from so much and most of all from my own inner power.
After the session I slept for almost two weeks, then I got a head cold and a cough that would last for almost three weeks. Now I normally rarely ever get sick anymore, if I do they pass through very quickly. This one didn't want to leave and all I could do was to rest and cough up everything that I needed to cough up. It was a deep and profound healing on every part of my being.
Now Anayza told me about more life times as well where I had been shunned and feared by society for my gifts and for my knowledge of healing and the plants. But the one where I was killed was the one that had created that immense fear of being seen and the belief that somehow shining my light could put me in immediate danger.
I haven't talked about this until now because I feel that I have still been unraveling this very old pattern and very old fear from my being. I've had a journey with Ayahuasca once where I was drinking alone during the day and a part of that journey was being in this immense fear that "they" would come and kill me, that "they" had found out who I was and that "they" were coming for me. I never been so afraid in my life, at that time I just did what I normally do, I sit with it until it passes. It did pass but I still didn't know where that fear stemmed from, now I do. :)
I find it extraordinary how we as beings become what we are and how long and old some of the things that we carry are. How inexplicably our very existence can be and how beautiful it is to realize that we are at a time on this planet when this healing can occur.. When we can finally let go of our fear of nature and its magic. Where we can let go of the fear of powerful women, and the fear of the light.
I am so proud to walk alongside women like Anayza, women like me that are starting to remember who we are again. The healers, the medicine women, the witches of the light, the carriers of the Sophia frequency. The Divine Feminine.
I love you so much Anayza, words cannot describe my gratitude for your being and for your heart. Thank you for being here and walking this Earth with me. Thank you for helping me let go of the fear to shine and to be seen. As a healer but most and foremost as Me.
I love you, I love you, I love you.