A pattern has come up to be seen and witnessed this year for me that has been about judgements. How my mind categorises all these different dimensions to make sense of the world and they have also kept me stuck in dimensions that I don't want to be in. But my mind has kept me captivated in these loops.
It wasn't until I sat down and really started to question my judgements about others, myself included. What feelings they were creating inside of me and what life they were forming for me. Because one thought sprouts another thought and eventually they have filled your days and your mind. It happens so easily.
I've been on a train of righteousness and victimhood and I was stuck there.
It wasn't until I took full responsibility for my own thoughts and my own feelings and said enough! I've had enough of these negative loops and these feelings and thoughts. I'm sick of them. I don't want them anymore. They are defining me and I don't want to be defined by these past events, I don't want to be defined by these feelings and thoughts. They are not me and I'm done with it.
So I had to look at forgiving myself and others. Of looking at why I was holding on to certain thoughts and feelings. It was because I was trying to protect myself, so what had happened wouldn't happen again.
In the core of it all I was creating the events over and over in my mind. I was stuck.
My mind tried to create all these reasons why I needed to think this way about others. Yet when I really sat down with it none of those reasons were true, in the true sense of truth. They were just thoughts and ideas. Mind stuff. Creating illusions. Holding on to the past. In the end it doesn't matter what someone else did in the past because it's not happening in the now. That's the truth.
It wasn't until I took full responsibility for these thoughts and feelings that I could fully let go of them. It wasn't until I decided that I didn't want them anymore. That I was done that I started to let it go. That's huge to really understand, the significance of responsibility for our own self.
Here's a funny thing that I heard from others but that I realised that I was doing myself. I was trying to keep my heart closed to certain people that had hurt me and so I was afraid that if I opened my heart to them again that I would be open to be hurt again. Yet here's the thing, just because you have an open heart it doesn't make you a walk over or a door mat. That comes from something else.
For me that came from an idea that I had to please everyone and to keep everyone liking me at all times.. that didn't come from a place of love. That came from a place of fear, of needing to control how people feel about me, it comes from a place of wanting to control others so that I can feel safe which stems from an old old pattern. Which has led to inauthentic connections and inauthentic relationships with myself and with others.
So in reality when we open our hearts, we don't become selfless door mats because we also love ourselves as we are and the needs that we have are not issues or problems, they just are.
I also realised that the difference between judgements and discernment is the the stickiness that judgements have and the neutrality that discernment has. Discernment has no triggers, there's no division, it just is. With judgements we create a me and you, we create a right and wrong. There's nothing inherently wrong with judging, we do it all the time, it's a part of being human. But recognise where the judgements are on repeat, where they are triggering you, where they create divisions between you and others.
The home work I'm bringing from this is that every time I judge someone that I know or don't know, that I'm going to find the good and the reasoning why. I'm going to take more time understanding why I judge as I do... why am I so sure of this or that judgement? Why do I feel so much around certain judgements? Can I look closer at that feeling? What does it show me about myself? What can I learn more about myself in how I define the world around me through my judgements? To try to see it from others perspectives, to try to walk in their shoes and to practice compassion for others. And to take full responsibility for how I show up in life, thoughts, actions, feelings... everything. To try to be a little lighter and a little more positive for each day. To steer my thoughts into gratitude and thankfulness. To make time to witness beauty in the world and people.
Because it's really true, where we plant seeds of thoughts we sprout more. So if we focus on thinking more positive thoughts about ourselves and others. By saying thank you a little bit more for the little things for the big things, for everything. We train our mind to find more and more positive things around us and eventually we start pulling positive events into our reality. But we have to stay on track and we have to make continuous effort to be present in how we perceive and make sense of the world. Because it does truly create our own reality. So choose wisely to make it a good place for you to be in. It starts with your thoughts..
Much Love & Thank You for reading!