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About Free Will - A Conversation

I received a loving reply from my friend Noam about free will and I want to share our email conversation because I think he steered me in the right direction and I think it may be helpful for others. ❤️


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This is Noam reply to my blog post Do We Have Free Will?


You may not even realize but on one hand you say we don’t have it and on the other you say we do have free will.


The bigger question is who are We, who is the I that has free will, if it is Kristina, born of the earth, into this family with this identity…then no you don’t have free will.


But you said it yourself….” I believe that my higher self chose my parents and that they chose me”

What a funny word, Higherself, higher-self, Self, the self, what is the higherself other than you? your true identity and here it is choosing with its own will, a family, a body an experience.

You are never not the Self, that is choosing experience, consequently you are never the “thing, life, experience “ that the Self has chosen because that would be the Effect, and the Self is the Cause. You are the Cause.

The question then becomes more about identity, which aspect is inquiring about will…In fact, the whole question can be readdressed…does my personality self have a will, do aspects that I create or parasitic energies that create themselves have will? Do effects have will? Even with analytical eyes, we know that God is, and if God is then God is infinite, and because of infinity God’s being is your being, since infinity only allows for one being…and if God has choice than you must than have choice because of the nature of infinity and eternality. If you didn’t have choice, the real you, High you, than God wouldn’t be God. I love your question, I have asked it many times myself, these are the answers I have come up with for myself…there’s no real right answer, just more questions. Just a few thoughts on this beautiful day. Peace. Much Love,

Noam Ben-Arie


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My reply:


Thank you for your reply Noam. I don’t believe that I’m always my higher self not at all, the voice that answers this email is not my higher self, have you ever experienced your own higher self Noam? :) I remember when I was living in the cabin in the woods on the Sunshine Coast in Canada and I was going to sleep and I had the habit of repeating a mantra as I was falling asleep, it was the Ganesha mantra Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha. All the suddenly I slipped into my higher self, I was hearing my “self” repeating the mantra but “I” wasn’t repeating it, I was simply hearing Kristinas voice but it wasn’t me repeating the words, I was just witnessing this event. Then I could witness this space that Kristina was “in” but I was outside of that, just watching, just being and I couldn’t access Kristina from that space. Even though I was witnessing Kristina from within Kristinas head, I still wasn’t Kristina in that moment. I was a silent observer.


Another time, I did the Tibetan dream yoga practice and I slipped into a state of pure light when I went to “sleep” and I spent the whole night 8 hours in that space yet when I woke up it felt like a second had passed since I slipped into that experience. It was outside of time and space. Did I have an identity then? Nope. Did I have thoughts? No I didn’t. Did I have any wants in that experience? No I didn’t. I was pure light. So no I don’t think we are always our higher self, not at all, it’s there if we call upon it but that perspective is so much bigger than this voice that’s writing from this body, from this identity. I mean yes we are all at once all at the time, but am I really ‘that’ when I act from the perspective of this embodiment? No I don’t think so. I think that I can access it, I think that I can work towards accessing it, I think through intention I can call the wisdom and the connection forward but until I do that - am I consciously making choices? Or are things simply happening from a perspective in which I don’t see? From pre-programmed patterns that I’m not aware of. In A Course Of Miracles they say (if I understood correctly) that I and God are one yet I have to succumb to the will of God for a miracle to occur, I have to align to love and from that space I am a creator and miracles are my birthright. Yet I have to align to God and from that place is there really a need for a free will? Lol :) Or have I given my will to God to align to Love? Much Love, Kristina


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Noam's reply:


The voice that responds to the email is an aspect of self, that aspect is not the higherself by way of identity…but it is OF the higherself, because it is an aspect of self.


When I say we are always the higherself, I mean that in an absolute sense, You can’t not be who you are. The higherself, which is you. But then in relative ways we can identify as aspects of ourselves and then experience a relative experience or relative truth…”I am Noam and I am having a life on earth, I went through this and that and I am writing this email” a relative experience and relative truth…but even in that relative experience I was always the higherself, even when I negated it’s presence and identity, it was still there as who I am, just not accessed.


As you say, it’s always there to be accessed, so if it’s always there, and let’s identify the being that’s always there as the higherself…it means that my self is always there, I am always Me…and I can experience myself as my true Me when I am not lost in my relative experience.


It is true that we are not always operating as the Highself, in fact we rarely are, but that doesn’t mean it’s not who we are.

There’s nothing required of me to become who I am, since I am already it…only my ideas, inherited of course, keep me from Being and expressing who I already am.

Now, even when I am operating from my aspects, identifying as them, I am still my higherself, it’s just dormant and maybe we can say non-operable….but that doesn't mean it’s not who I am.


It becomes a matter of alignment, when I align to myself, to my highest self I am it and it is me, in that alignment any action and choice I would take would be as my higherself.


In those experiences you mentioned, you didn’t have to become your higherself, you simply aligned to it, but what really happened?? You moved beyond your idea of self, or identity, or relative experience and relative truth. When you realigned from that identity, idea of self, you automatically went to the higherself, because that’s all that’s left beyond your idea of self. We don’t even have to try to become the higherself, it’s automatically there when we let go of our ideas that we are Not the higherself.

I’m not arguing you, I hope you can feel that, typing these very deep concepts sometimes take away from their depth…which is why I rarely do it. Also just typing something in general that offers a thought these days is perceived as argumentative, which I assure you this is not…I have no investment in you believing one way or another.

But it’s you, and I care about you and what you have to say.

So I’m just speaking my feelings aloud, I am not right and you are not wrong.

Much Love,

Noam Ben-Arie


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My reply:


I agree with what you say yet I don’t see how the higher self always being there validates us having free will? :))

Thank you for saying that we are not sparring against each other. Me neither, I just like a mind bend and its a pleasure to discuss with you. :) Much Love, Kristina


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Noam's reply:


It validates it because the higherself is the self, it is us, or individually we are the higherself…there is no us separate from the higherself. The higherself is you and me and us…so if it is always there, and it is in choice, it is demonstrating free will.