When I last year decided to move to the Amazon for a while and work with Ayahuasca I didn't really think further than that. Other than that I knew something would change. Standing on the other side, I'm not even sure if I have understood or even been able to grasp the shift and the change that I've gone through, that I'm still going through..
I cannot remember being as lost as I've been in the last couple of months. I've kept thinking but soon, soon I will find my place and my pace again. Yet life has kept spinning and twirling around me, the only thing that comes to mind that would describe it would be standing in the eye of the storm. Because through and through, I've had a serenity, a calm within me that is beyond anything that I've ever experienced before. Yet I have not been able to see clearly, I have not been able to make any decisions for anything long term. I can hardly make decisions for the day, less the week.
I am now at home with my family and I'm on my way up north to where I grew up. My safest place, my hiatus from the the world. In the end in the jungle all I could dream of was there, that I wanted to go up north in Sweden and drink the water from our own well that taste so delicious and sleep. Only sleep.
I've planned to make a video about getting lost, about being lost and how being lost is an essential part of healing. Because as we heal, we change, we shift our vibration so our path will also shift, our perspective will shift. Its as if we change glasses and we will see everything differently all the suddenly.
We have to lose ourselves to be able to find the new me, the new you. Yet as you do you will also find that the new you, the new me is more Me, more You than you've ever been. Just new, like an improved version of yourself. Or maybe just different. Because what's better or worse? Its just about the journey in the end, this experience called life.
Working with plant medicines or working with healing, even just praying for a change will cause shifts and changes that will not just transform your internal environment but everything outside of yourself will shift and change. What you once attracted might bounce away from you and new people, new circumstances will be pulled into your experiences. As the "new world", the "new reality" adapts itself to your new You all you can do is go back to the stillness, the peace within.
Before the new path is visible, until the storm has settled all you can do is Be. I haven't felt so "new" since my Kundalini Awakening over 4 years ago, all I know is that everything is shifting now, everything is changing, where to I'm not sure yet and that's OK. One day at the time.